I remember how we
used to pretend like husband and wife while I was young. Anytime my brother and
I had a female cousin around, we played house. Someone gets to play the role of
the father; our cousin plays the mother and another, the child. It was fun, we
would do so many things we felt was expected of our role as a family. Of course,
these roles were based on actual events and stuff our parents did. In other
words, we were playing out a script. Over the years, kids at a certain age do ‘play
house’. Some with their peers and others with dolls…
I believe
strongly that just like those years way back…boys grow up to be men, girl
becomes a lady or woman (choose one. Lol!) But the role play remains the same. It’s
become a kind of stereotype to have husband do this and the wife do that. We come
into marriage with what we feel is a ‘job description’.
The man needs to
pay the bills, play with the kids, take the family out often, wash the car, and
take the wife out to see a movie, then a late dinner culminating in a sweet
sexual experience at night, be sensitive, protect the family and basically
provide for the needs of the family. In fact if he is unable to do these, we
quote
1Timothy 5:8
“But
if any provide not for his own, and specially for those of his own house, he
hath denied the faith, and is worse than an infidel.”
The woman or lady is expected to be domestic! Domestic
is interpreted based on what we define it to be i.e. taking care of the kids,
cooking, keeping the house etc. If she is found wanting we say she is not wise
because in
Proverbs 14: 1
“Every wise woman buildeth her house: but the
foolish plucketh it down with her hands.”
The real issue here is that most times we get so
carried away that we forget the true reason why we have been brought together. We
get so carried a way doing the job that we do not put in the necessary! It becomes
mechanical. Almost as a default.
What happens is that your home becomes like an
office. In the office you do what’s expected of you and you in turn expect to
be paid. There are so many people working for bosses they do not like. It’s by
default. Do what you are expected to do and get paid. The company is sure of
your loyalty as long as they pay your bills. Many homes are like these. Do what
you need to do and we have a happy marriage...yuck!
If we do not understand some basic truths, we
will never come to a place of maximising the best of one another.
So, why did God create marriage? Didn’t he have
roles for us? Is he not the one that came with the idea of man being the head
and stuff? If there’s any confusion, didn’t He start it?
God is not an author of confusion! If he says the
man is the head it’s no reason for any man to abuse that office or
responsibility. If he set roles, we should ask ourselves, how have we being
interpreting these roles? Mechanically? Almost as a default? Have we been
playing house? And not really been in a marriage? Playing house is pretence
because way back then i was not a father and my cousin was definitely not my
wife and i couldn’t have given birth to my brother. So it was made up, not
real. Many homes are like that because they play house.
Let’s look at the scripture
Genesis 2:24
“Therefore shall a man leave his father
and his mother, and shall cleave
unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.”
I have highlighted some words. These words have
deep meaning and i intend to use them to buttress my point.
A
MAN,...his WIFE: The bible acknowledges the fact that they are
separate and unique individuals with probably different upbringing, experiences
and perceptions. For effectiveness, it’s only natural and very brilliant idea
to have roles that will help them in the union. Don’t you think so?
LEAVE...CLEAVE: it is expected that we leave so many stuff behind
when coming into marriage.. you will need to let go of so many things even
those that you feel has kept you sane in life. Do not get me wrong! I am not
calling for wholesale clearout sales! But you must make room in your heart and
life for the unique individual coming in. If you do not do these, there will
never be a cleaving (Coming Together)
THEY SHALL BE ONE FLESH: the ultimate goal of marriage is becoming one.
Your perceptions, experiences and your objectives becomes one. At this point it
doesn’t matter if she did not cook, you can get in there and do the cooking
without feeling let down or unappreciated. If he is unable to meet up to a pending
bill, she can always pay it because its now one body not separate individuals.
Many go through marriage dwelling more on their
individualities than unity. Your individual strengths and weaknesses cannot
achieve much in this union. That’s why many are geniuses at work or in other endeavours
and are unable to get it right at home.
Marriage is a spiritual union. Its principles are
spiritual and it take understanding these principles for it to work
effectively.
Will round up with three basic truths.
#1: Love does it: We cannot effectively
interpret our roles without love for one another. Whether you wash, clean or
scrub, if it’s done with love, it augurs well for the home. Nobody will feel
left out, unappreciated or abused. Communication will be better and effective,
prayer will be stronger and the enemy will scamper off for safety.
#2: He only wants Respect: ladies, all
he wants is to be treated with a respect. At first i always wondered why this
was so but i saw in the scriptures that all man needs is in that word R.E.S.P.E.C.T.
the bible is complete. A man that is respected in his home will go out of his
way to get things done with his family in mind. Many marriages break because
the wife has little or no regard for the man.
Ephesians
5:22-24
“Wives,
submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is
the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the
saviour of the body. Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the
wives be to their own husbands in every thing.”
#3: She only wants to be loved: Guys, quit
fighting so hard to know what she wants or believe the lie that ladies are so
insatiable, all she wants is to be loved. A woman will blossom if love is
applied. She responds to love! Have you ever tried wooing your spouse all over
again? It’s not about riches or fame, it’s about love. When was the last time
you said ‘ I love you’?, how often do you say these words from the depths of
your heart? What about buying her things? Taking time out just for her and the
kids? What about her dreams? How have you encouraged her to improve in the word
of God? Can she say she has been blessed by marrying you? Love her..the bible
says so.
Ephesians 5:25
“Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also
loved the church, and gave himself for it;
Colossians 3:19
“Husbands, love your wives, and be not bitter
against them.”
So, what am I expected
to do, some may ask? That marriage is worth saving. Go on your knees and pray
to God for help.
Start to love
your wife and ladies start to respect him too. Do things with love in mind and
the God of all grace will turn things around in our favour.
God help us to
live according to His precepts that we may have the fullness of what He has
prepared for us in Jesus mighty Name.
Love you
